Thursday, May 14, 2009

really?

I am 28 years old and feel less accomplished then I have ever imagine myself to be at this age.
I've been married for 8 years and have seen my husband less than 4 of those years, THANK YOU USMC!
I have owned two houses, including building one and purchasing one before I was 22.
i graduated College at 24 with an Associate's degree and will graduate at 28 with my Bachelor's Degree bringing my college life to a stop until I figure out the MDIV program at Denver Seminary.
I have been a manager type figure at all jobs I have ever had.
I have a dog who is a complete goofball.
I have lived at three USMC bases, one Air Force base/closed Army post and will be moving to another MCAS.
Yet, I have the spiritual walk of a pre-schooler. I can related so well with the Jars of Clay song "Two Hands" because it is my life.
I use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high


It is becoming less of me and more of Jesus that I desire but I cannot make myself do it. Everyday I look over at my devos laying on my bed and I choose facebook, gmail, and the world over my GOD because for some reason I need or desire attention from this world instead of attention from the FATHER who created me. I have one hand in the air with praises and the moment life gets busy, that hand comes down and becomes weak. It envelopes me and sin creeps in: discouragement, grumpiness, jealousy, anger it starts to grasp me and then comes Sunday again and I start the cycle all over.
I want to break free from it.
I NEED to break free from it.
How am I suppose to be an example if I cannot even stay in God's Word, and focus on HIM?

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