And in the midst of this loafing sorts of a day in which toast and Full Throttle energy drink were deemed an appropriate breakfast, I became hungry again. I walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and was disgusted by everything inside. I opened the freezer, the cabinets, the pantry, same thing. Opened and shut with the disappointment of too much food that I don't even want right now. The mere thought of eating anything that was contained inside my kitchen appalled me and I considered going somewhere to grab a bite to eat. But then, the sightings of something familiar, something overlooked the first time through the cabinets, a glorious package of winter oreos. Yes, after eating toast and drinking an energy drink, my brain automatically thought that MORE sugar would be a suitable lunch today.
So, here I sit, after consuming way too much sugar in the 6.5 hours I've been awake and pondering the thoughts that lead me here. I was disgusted by all.the.food. inside my own kitchen. and that is appalling to me. I should be thankful and enjoy it, and instead I shake my fist at it and down some oreos in rebellion of the healthy, fruitful bounty inside the walls of my kitchen. (and apparently oreos should be capitalized, but I am not giving a cookie THAT much power)!
And I'm also texting teens and wearing my sweater inside out. I seem to be a "hot mess" right now except that I am smiling. Smiling because I am exactly where I should be. I am writing. I am mentoring teens, and dreaming. I am studying and making plans and forecasting things, and budgeting, and praying, and sitting in the silence.
And this, it feels like perfection to me. In the chaos of Christmas being here and New Years coming like a freight train, this stillness seems appropriate. It feels like a Sabbath day, spending time resting in Him, and not worrying about the "should, would, suppose to" of life. No movies, no music, no noise from the world, just my Savior and I having our moments today.
Tis so sweet.
and so friends, Happy New Year.